An enabler is someone who is self created, someone who has no sense of self or worth and places themselves second to the person who they are enabling.  This is a tough if not poisonous position to be in as your sense of self and who you are become silent and all you are doing is seeking ways to put out fires and prop up that other person in anyway possible.  Still I fought him as I was angry and unfulfilled, my Family was not in anyway part of my life, I was Gay to them and felt that they viewed me as shameful (stupid thoughts) they were not invited over by him and in a way it was okay for the time as I did not want them to see what I had become and what power he had over me.  He was the King and needed to be viewed that way but it left me with no sense of who I was and in the end what was I at that point.
The travels are what I looked forward to the most as I could be whoever I wanted to be.  Strangers would come over for sex and I could be a Lawyer a Financial person etc.... Living in a nice house with nice trappings and all by myself.  I would be a guy who just ended a long term relationship with someone who moved to another country for work or some other crazy concocted at the spur of the moment idea.
It was fun hiding in pretend identity's but in the end it was all about pretending just so I could get off, have great sex and feel good afterwards, taking care of me.   No one was taking care of me, no one was asking or seeing how I felt or what was I feeling as I had hidden myself so deep that I myself did not want to know who I was.  In reality I was a cheating lying enabler who was there to serve him and his entourage.
This creates in one's self a deep sense of self loathing which at times I heaped onto him.  I soon began to exert this to him and began to voice my disappointments to him.  This was when I learned what a selfish man he was.  He was not interested in hearing any of my frustrations.  I had a good friend, smart guy who read and kept himself well informed, he leaned far to the right in his political views was recently divorced but he was a good guy fun to have around and we got along really well as I helped him to blossom into who he was and is.  I like being that guy.  He would challenge the King on some of the crap that would spew out of his mouth.   The King may have had his moments at work but when it came to current events or what was happening in the world outside his, he was illiterate.  My friend knew this and boosted himself as he knew what was going on in our relationship and he saw the way I was being treated and saw how he was placed on Pedestal and his goal was to knock him off of it.  Knock he did and NO ONE knocks the King.
The King saw him as a threat and once a threat you are banished and in no uncertain terms I was told he was no longer allowed in the house.  It was his house, who was I to fight him and perhaps by giving him that would prove to him that I really loved him.   Stupid is as stupid does, it only gave him more power and only proved to me that I had no backbone and he was in charge and do not dare cross him ever.
The guy was banished he knew it and our friendship was severed, he eventually moved out of State to be closer to his Family but in the end it left me with no friend.
The travel continued and I began a new job working in the City making pretty good money and now allowing me to play in a new territory.  New Bars, bath houses and good sex.  I will not boast about my looks but suffice to say I have the look of a Kennedy and appear to be Married and innocent, something that helps me attract others who are in the similar situation.  I like those folks as they are not affected by the whole Gay scene and culture which is not my cup of Tea.  On those Fridays that I got paid I would go out and play while he was home and played I did and would end up in a Cab to take me back home.   Things were going good, my salary had vastly improved and I was able to start clearing out the debt and taking care of the personal items that were holding me back.  The job was good as it kept me out of the house for the times he was home.  For some reason during that job in the City he did not travel all that much and it was fun to have him come into the City and see some shows dine out and feeling good as I had some coin in my pocket.
A few times he got a bug up his ass about me not coming home on a Friday night (payday) as I did not care what he thought and he was not going to interfere with my good times.  So I would not call just to piss him off and hang out at the Bars and the Bath houses finally calling him when I had stumbled into a Cab making up some excuse about a co-worker or whatever.  I liked it, I liked it because it got him to care about me it got him to be concerned about me and I continued it till it pissed him off.   Sadly I lost that job and remained unemployed for close to two years surviving on unemployment.   It was not easy as I was unsure of where to go next and no one was knocking on my door with employment and honestly I liked it.  Getting paid for staying home was rather nice.Till the one day when it ran out and out of the blue and a gift came to me a Company interviewed me and hired me gratefully.  It was not near the money I was making but it was an income something I was grateful for.  Funny enough I knew NOTHING about the new job, all I knew was that I was a Manager and was in charge of two people and an office.   I sat in the office for over a year generated a report weekly and collected my paycheck. In the end I got frustrated fired everyone and took control of what was my Career.  With some new accounts and some self taught things I began to flourish, got a new boss and things began to become busy and work was fun at times but hard often enough.
This of course interfered with the King as he did not like anything to come between us and preferred that he have the starring role.  In that time I also began a sense of independence of what I wanted and what I needed.  I knew at the end of the day his house was his house and that was made abundantly clear to me on several occasions.  I had tried at this time to begin bringing my Family into my life again inviting them over and trying to make it not so much about him but about us and combining our lives.   I would put together dinners, nights out etc all to be met with zero desire from him.
One night it was his Sisters Birthday and he was having a surprise party for her he kept asking me "who else should I invite"   I was not going to feed him anything as I wanted to hear him say "tell your family to come" sadly that never happened and during the course of the evening my Sister called unaware of what was going on and proceeded to rile me up or should I say knock some sense into me on how none of my Family was invited.  A light bulb went off in my head that night which I wish had not and after everyone had left and we were shit faced I went after him not with a vengeance but with more of the pity side and victim.
The flood gates opened and it became violent the likes I had never seen before he hit me I hit him he left me with bruises on my face and it took all I could to calm him down as he was in his fits of rage, holding him down trying every which way to calm him down with anything I could think of.  I awoke the next morning and took a look in the mirror to see my black and blue face.  Soon after he got up and when he walked into the Kitchen and seeing my face his remark was "what happened to you"   It was a breaking point in our relationship as this had now gone to another place, abuse.  Still I had no intention of leaving as I had no where to go and no money to do so with, maybe the money not so much but I did not want to give up the trappings.   I failed to mention that prior to all of this his Sister finally ended a 20 yr marriage to a drunk and an abusive guy (basically she married her brother)  She took up right after that with a guy from her office who was a Republican, macho Spanish fellow who was and is homophobic.  One evening at the house freshly into the relationship I heard his Sister call this guy out on being a homophobes.  Jimmy the guy who I spoke about earlier was at the house and he despised this guy and I casually went up and told Jimmy what I had overheard.   Sadly his Mother was nearby and heard me and basically accused me of being a trouble maker.  This got back to the King and it began to eat away at him that someone dare talk about his Sister or her BF in anyway and that it will not be tolerated.  I will never forget that moment he called me at work I went outside and took the call and he began to go off on my on how dare I say anything and this was not going to be a Witch Hunt on the new boif.  I stated very clearly that what I heard was what I heard and it was honest and it was truthful and if he was unwilling to hear it then he was a fool and to stop living like all is fine in the world.   I went after him hard and more then I had ever before as he was telling me to lay down and take it and have no say and how dare I repeat to anyone what I may have heard.   It was the truth he knew it but did not want to hear it.  This would be a blemish on his Sister something that he would not stand for.
That night I came home and he broke up with me and told me to get out.
The price you pay for speaking up I learned.   I got up the next morning and went Apartment hunting I was hurt I was so sad and I could not stop crying, I came home to him that day and walked in on him being all smug and broke down crying he retreated his threat and I stayed.  Weeks later I found out from a friend of his that he did that to test me and he had no intentions of throwing me out.  It scarred me pretty badly as I knew I was stuck in this abusive mind fucking relationship and was my own worst enemy as I was weak and unable to pull myself up by the boot straps and leave on my own.  The anger had now begun in me and I felt fucked and was so mad at him the world and more so myself.   The suggestion of Couples Therapy came up and we went for it.  What a waste of time me sitting in this Therapists office fighting and crying and all her saying to him was "do you see him crying, how does that make you feel"  He had no feelings and only replied to what she wanted to hear.  I had heard through a friend of his that the Therapist suggested to him on his own to come and see her alone.  He declined saying it was not him who needed the help.  The bit of information only strengthened in me that he has some serious issues.  The Therapist ended our session when I told her how he had hit me on that fateful night of his Sisters party.  She basically threw us both out of her office.  I was shamed and felt like dirt as I was still staying and paralyzed to leave, I brushed it under the rug and pretended it did not happen.  He did likewise and we went back but with great trepidation and a new sense of how to stay out of each others way.   I in turn began to shutdown and tune him out and not listen to whatever was spewing out his mouth because I knew in the end it was his Show, his home, his trappings and I was just a fly in his ointment trapped and he knew it.   I had pledged my love for him time and time again told him how I would never leave him and he we would grow old together.  This only empowered him even more and gave him a greater strong hold on our relationship and how he was in control.
Not sure if you have noticed but I am a control freak and losing myself like that only assisted in bringing more anger to me and anger that I kept hidden.